The art of adoption can be as beautiful as a Vincent van Gogh painting or just as confusing with the different layers and textures. I would prefer a velvet painting of dogs playing poker. The visuals may not always be appealing to some but the touch is always smooth.
For me the adoption process was not too difficult and full disclosure it was because I was totally ignorant to the process. My case manager was very thorough and there were clear boundaries in place. At first, I found her hard to read until one day I realized there was nothing to read. She was doing her job in an atmosphere/setting that is very emotional.
Emotional indeed, where the wrong answer or response in person or on paper can end your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent. How honest can you be? If you share your concerns and/or fears will this cause the adoption process to stop? Expecting parents have concerns and/or fears, people might say well it's too late now this baby is coming. This may not be the case with adoption. You can have fears or concerns but that does not mean you do not want to adopt. Will your fears and concerns pose red flags to others?
I was blessed to have a circle of support including my parents, siblings, cousin, aunts and friends to help me through. However, it did make me think, are prospective adoptive parents really sharing and expressing their true concerns and fears? Are they afraid to answer honestly the questions on the many many forms that have to be completed? Full disclosure, I was. I truly was. I was even afraid to have my apartment look lived in. I was afraid to have it not looked lived in. I was not sure what "they" would be looking for in a home study. It's like the people who are supposed to help you bring your forever child home are also the people who may stop you from bringing your forever child home.
How do I know this to be true? Because not only did I go through it, once people find out I adopted my child, who looks like my twin, they ask me those questions and more. How did you answer this question? Should I share this? What if my spouse/partner and I answer a question differently?
And this is why I call it the art of adoption. People are not trying to create falsehoods to adopt. They are afraid that their honesty will cause an issue with them adopting. And not devastating honesties just honesties. Honesties that would not keep a family that is giving birth to a child to ever have to think about.
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